It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
