I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
