Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
