you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
