I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
