We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize