I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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