So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
