Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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