At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
