you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
