i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my being single is dangerous.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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