That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
