just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
