Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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