I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
