I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
