Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
