I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
