i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
