Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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