I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
