I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
