I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize