I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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