when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
