I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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