i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was like eating out sand paper
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
