I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
