chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
