i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
