Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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