I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
