Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just high enough for therapy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
