How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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