DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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