We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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