I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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