Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize