i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
