While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
