We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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