I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Come on in and take your pants off
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