Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
