My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize