i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
