Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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