Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
