The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
