I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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