Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
