I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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