mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
