Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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