I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
