he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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