she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
