are you still at the devil's house?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
