I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
