I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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