I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
