I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize