I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
