and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
