I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
