she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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