there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
