u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
