May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize