your thong is hanging out like whoa
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
