Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
