Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
