I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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