We're like a lot better than the average bears
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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