It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
