I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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