Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They took my balls.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
