well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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