i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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