I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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