Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
