Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
