:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
