my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
