I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
