My hand turned me down
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
