Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
