Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
