you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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