My sheets look like a crime scene.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
